Time

Wah really fast that the holiday is going to end, just feels like i'm off for 1 week only... Time is fast when nothing comes around.... Few days ago farewell has just passed, well nothing much but it all went well except for the rain... Next year is not a easy year anymore, PMR, just feels the same as UPSR but this time i face more stress and more subjects... Well i guess my whole effort and time will be on the book. Hours more i will ge going on our CLU annual trip, excited but yet i am still sad because the departure of my seniors or can be said as my true friends, just dunno what will happen without them to play around with... I can still recall the 1st day we were together. Well, now for me i don't have a intrest to love anymore because i know that my PMR is just around the corner... Well hope that tmr is the best day ever!! are hope it might not be the last

Changes Again

I guess i have to change again... This days just don´t feel right, holiday is when the time you do everything aimlessly... i just feel like everyday i am just doing nothing... Everday i stand and think what i have done this days and the pass, every mistake i made is truely kept deep inside my heart... I heard a sentence once said (Life is just a shirt with buttons, once the 1st button is buttoned wrongly then the rest will wrong also)... Well i certainly feel that what the person said is true.. So i dun hope to have the 1st button wrong. Nowdays, i am gettting more hot temper than i usually have been... I just dunno why i am just very hard to mix around with people, I just usually do something that irritates them, fine fine thats the real me, then suan la... Now i have no one left to listen... Now, no one can make me listen anymore... I am just stuck! really i just cant find out the problem i am facing... Things are really complicated, as you know that you understand but actually you still got a thousand more till you can say u understand completely... I just wish to run away to a place where no one finds me, but i just cant leave... I know that i cant do it anymore, although i know its impossible, its a lie, its just a dream but i still believe in it... I just want to make myself feel better rather than regrets and bad memories all the time... Although its gone but i believe its just around the corner... Well it does bring me some good points, it gives me a boost, just that everytime that i do something i know what i am fighting for or putting an effort into something... Just wish everytime i can do it... But things aren´t easy as that i guess. Something that is easy to obtain itsn´t good... Nowdays, every night, the clock haven´t reach 1 I also dun feel like sleeping... Everyday i go jogging just to relax and throw out the things inside me... No matter what i do i just cant master it... But i don´t really give a dam how people look at me, that statement is FAKE! i do care!!! Cause they are my friends, other than that i wont care but my friends i will... But still, its not enough

I am just.... HAIZ!

Things are getting worse again! tomorrow is the last day of school, i really miss my clu very much and also my school mates, i just feel like without them my life is not bright anymore, haiz.... usually i feel like holiday is a great time but now i dun feel so bored and sad when holidays come... I just wonder why until now i still cant let go... Things are really getting worse... The ones who are good to me had mad off because of my words... What can i do? Ok fine next time i will just shut up... I thought i can stand up again but until now i just cant do it... How i wish the one i really need is here but that is what i call impossible.... Today i went back to the road we spend some time on but the when i see it, it just cuts me deep deep and very deep... Why i always create disasters... I am just really not suitable in here or what i call this enviroment... Or maybe the me who don't talk is better than the me who enjoy playing and teasing around... My eyes are closing le but i just cant fall asleep again... Just dunno how should i face the fact... Words are easier said than do, so why waste effort on saying it... But sometimes is just hard to keep it inside me just like every mirror reflecting the pain... Now i really have no one left to share with, i guess the stars will listen to me or even the moon.... Just WTF is this la....

08.11.2010 : Life

Well, today was not a day i wanted again,i always take the wrong step, everytime i fight i would ask myself again,if i just shut up this wont happen.I guess thats the way i am, my dad usually scold me that i should have learn how to lose, but seems like after years of that i still hasn't change.Today someone chat with me about an issue that i am also facing, but whenever i talk about other people's issue it reflects me just the way it is.... I am just always not good enough, everytime i am just a stupid person who sits there and do nothing, at home or at school... everytime i see my mum washing dishes i would ask myself what if i do it, but then i just cant afford to move because i just dunno what to do... god damn it.... I hate to see it but when i dun see it, makes me feel even worse, what to choose?? Last saturday celebrated wai kian's bday, although i didn't wrote all the words that i wanted to say, but i guess its not the write time haha! no such thing la, just that not enough space to write for him! Er my maths once again make me disappointed, nvm i can try again... Every night when i sleep, my eyes are super tired, but its hard for me to sleep, maybe too many things to fan? but then i think think i dun see anything i can fan with but then theres something that i cant accept. Day and day i am getting more tired le, head also pain... Someone told me, that i never give up on something, then i answered back did i? cause i really have no ideas about it. Its getting worse le

4.11.2010 : Well

Once again i slept late again le, but just dun feel like sleeping no matter how tired i am these days thinking of some things that i regret... Now i am talking to the moon every night... I get really jealous about some people who had it in a successful way but i didn't... Well, i guess is just not the right move... Everyday i suffer from this question, should i or should i not... Everytime i have a question without an answer le... I feel like everything changed into bad, just wonder am i the cause of everything... Hate it, i really wanted to find out the answer but then i just feel like i rather keep it to myself gua... I just wonder why i sms people they just wont reply, i asked them many times le but now i started to get lazy about it... I guess i am just annoying or irritating gua, or people maybe busy le... Me and the others gap are getting bigger and bigger, but i just dunno what to do, maybe things are just that way. Now days, i get lazy to get out from home, not that i have no where to go, is that i am really scare that it would turn out bad... I guess is time i get a good rest... Haiz sleep so late yet i still wake at 9... My blesses are now useless le, i cant do anything anymore, but just let it be.... Everyday i keep on like this, but i am really tired to go on le, but i told myself i will continue no matter the question should or should not appears again... I just guess Let It Be is the best

2:11.2010 : Long time

Haha people say that we must always believe in fate, now i understand d... I guess i just cant get along with others anyway... Haiz le, i just hate what i did last time, but just dun always step on me, i need some air... So now on, i dun give a dam anymore le, i do it my way say all you like you cant stop me... This few days my feeling is always so weird... I just cant explain why is it always like this zzz. Today suddenly our gap become closer again, but when one side is close the other side is open. I am just too tired to be like this le, everything i do, i dun think it is right... So, i wont do anything le... Every decision i make always disappoints me... Today went swimming again, so tired le... but fun... Whole day at school play cards... I guess i am always in the middle, i just wont be in the position that i wished to be... Many times i told myself that doesn't matter but it just doesn't seem like it suits in my brain... I guess i do it my way is the best thing that i am able le...

15.10.2010 : This i really sad le

Shit la, everything that i wanted to do but i just wont get a chance. Today someone is sad again, but i just cant help the person, how useless i am, i just duno why this would happen la!!! what happen oi!!!!!!! VERY DIAO ONE LA, i saw her cry again that day but i just wan to call her to not cry but another guy did it, WTF TERRY LAI U STAND THERE KAO LAN AH. Man i hate myself very much. Today i was really very very sad, but i sad until i remember my promise so i didn't show in clu my sad face. I really want to share with someone my story but no one will give the right answer i want, so i forced myself to keep everything inside me and i did it. Everyone asked me why but i just wont answer. Today is also one day i feel very unpleasant, what i do doesn't seem right

10.10.10 : Today is this date le

Day by day has passed, now, i started knowing that i am really annoying... no one likes to talk to me, i guess that is my problem, what to do? I guess just shut up and dont talk only lo to make ppl dun get annoyed... Yesterday meeting with seniors, after may i was always hagging out with my new batch. Usually my seniors and me are playful, but those feeling fade again. Now all ignore me, even started looking at me in a bad eye sight. I guess i am just not right to be so playful anymore and also noisy. Someone complaint before of me emo, now i changed to very happy and exciting le, then someone said that i am annoying and say when i am emo better, they just dun understand how pain i feel in my heart. I know what the pain feels like, but no matter what i keep on keeping everything inside my heart, i really got no one to share with anymore. Now my mind and my heart is empty le but the pain still remains and tear my scars wide open. I keep on asking myself what to do? what to do? but the answer i get is still nothing. Today is a brand new 10.10.10 le, but tmr is still a boring day, i really feel very sad and filled with words i really wanted to expose out but still i cant do it. Now when i click on the chat button and see my important ones, i click and asking how are you today? but at last is only my words and seldom they reply, i guess i am really that annoying. Now i will just keep on keeping quiet le, my seniors really make me sad when they palau me, now it is only them is the whole of my friends they starting to ignore me. I can see that everyone is like very good with each other but without my here is better for them. Everything i go home without both of my friends, they two look like more topics to say, where as when i am with any of them we wont talk, i could see the differents between us. I really wished to be important to eveyone knowing what happen what made them sad, but sad to say that i cant do that cause i am useless gua. Now everyday when i walk alone i will keep on thinking what to do or what to say later or even think how useless i am. It really feels bad when u dun have someone by your sad listening to all your stories like report. I really wished to tell someone what i feel now, but i guess no one could replace her. Too bad that now she had left me for good. Just because of my emo i really lost her for now, really wished to bring back the times that really got me flying up high. I guess i will keep on showing my smile for now on no matter how much the pain hurts me, she keep on comparing me with someone who always wins me in anything. She just dun understand the pain i always cried about, i know i can never beat the person in everything i do admit. SAD

26.9.2010 : Time

Well, time is really going fast, by just this few days i faced many things happen... then i made a promise, to not emo infront of CLU-ians, so i try to make myself as crazy as can be to make them smile. I really like to see people smile than i smiling myself, although how much it hurts inside me but i wont show it through my emotion... I wanna show that i am okay although i am not cause i dun wan people to worry, but i guess no matter what no one will care anyway... Nowdays i scared to msg people le, i scared no one will reply, maybe it is just me think the other side... Now i lost someone because of my stupid emo le, how wasted was that! i really cant forgive myself because of that. Well, i guess this would be my diary anyway... Nowdays, i felt relieve to know some new friends... But i just have to hope god bless them with happiness then i will feel relieve. Well, i guess exam is near but i still dun have the mood to study!!!!! i wan to be as crazy as i can! although something make me unhappy but i will still be crazy, until i find it is the right time to be unhapppy about it. Now people say i am over crazy le, and then say i am annoying but i still smile and say hahaha!!! I hate to see people emo just like the way people hate i emo. Haha now they blaming me that i emo everyone started following, i said wat!!!! hahaha!!!!! i guess is time for a change. Maybe i will become someone that knows how to keep its emotion!!!

22.9.2010 : Sad very sad....

Today is mid autumn festival le, but i am still at home not going out to play lantern and eat mooncakes... last year was the best, how that i wish time can return to the past... Even just now i was talking about it with my cousin sister, i almost cried when i talk about grandma.... It have been months she have leave us in a blink of an eye. Well today i called a guy to come in but then he scold me back, what i noob, still asking me who am i? U think i care who the f are you ah... i rather u die in the middle of the road u noob... I promise you i wont care about ur noob feelings anymore, dun think about it, complaint all you wan but it wont affect me.
I really regret that i never appreciate what have gone through my life, i just treat it like the wind, but now its getting hotter and hotter without it, how much i really hope that it would come back. Sometimes i wish to help people when they are not happy and do my best to make them, but in the end i guess i am the one who cannot help instead making it more worse... I just want to be someone more important than now, I dun have the persons i need. I keep on asking myself should i be quiet even i know the answer, i guess i shut up is the best thing to everyone isn't it? No one will want to hear me anyways... Nowdays, i am again going to be a character not a person anymore. A person asked me why you love her so much? then i said i dunno, well i guess loving a person doesn't need a reason right? i really dunno what to do tomorrow a day feel with sadness although it is a new day again but i guess this week i am really off my mood.
AMANDA LAI : nah ur post, eh enjoy what you have now... i really have ntg to say about you sorry

18.9.2010 : The moment of truth

Today was a fun day but i am sad because i lost a person that i need the most.... i just sit and wonder, then i cant tahan i tak a paper with a inkless pen and right like i am stupid.... everyone pass by said WAH NOOB!!! but for me it cuts me like a blade if i dun write it out, not that i am not telling anyone but i just dunno who should i tell... everytime i see someone i really wan to cry, why time just wont turn back and can things last forever? i tot i knew the answer but now i can say i am really out my ideas. I feel like now i am invisible to everyone, the see me like they saw a ghost, everyone running away from me... So nowdays i will be staying here on my own. Today i am happy to see back my friends but i just want someone to open mouth more... Its been days i never wished you goodnight d... Everytime i see people in pain but i am just always helpless, i am really a rubbish. I just want to be there when you need me but now, u just dun see me anymore although i stand infront of you, today i went into the room where we kept our bags, i see your bottle there, then suddenly i talk to your bottle asking the questions that i wanted to know the answer. It may sound a little bit stupid but it just hurts so much. After this 2 weeks i am really tired but i still miss the times when we are busy, although we are busy but that time of fun cant be found anywhere else.... after 2 weeks of worring and busy now it has come to a end d, if like that i rather i will be always busy. Sometimes people dun reply me, i feel angry but now, i feel worry le. Everytime i talk, no one will listen but i keep on telling myself i just a kid that no one will see, but i cant blame them, where would people listen to a kid... haiz my leg hurts alot....

6:9:2010 : Nothing but i am sad

Well, i fail in planing... i wanted to watch movie but suddenly everything must cancel.... i hate it. I really feel sad about it... well i try to share it with people but all i get is take care.... wont i just get a better answer.... All i wished for this holiday has gone and i am hopeless to watch those movies... Actually watch or not that doesnt matter but just i wan to go out of home to find some other activities... But i guess i will just stay where i am for now before i expect to go out, the more i expect the more chances i will be disappointed again... All the while i have never think of the bad sight but now it turns into reality... Man i hate it really... This holiday is just school + home i guess= emo. Sometimes i dream to be a hero, but now i dun wan anything anymore, i am just tired and scared to move another step into a hot volcano... What does it mean by not ready? i really wanted to ask but i guess i will just keep my mouth shut.... Sometimes i dun make a sound is not that i am emo or sad but i am just scared once i talk u all will keep quiet. I scared what i say will make people feel annoying so i dun dare to make a single sound. People ask me why are you always emo, but i just dun dare to answer... I will say usually i dunno or make a stupid logical answer. But i guess no one will understand why i emo anyway because i dun wan to tell.... I just hope to have someone that i can share everything and receive the words i feel comfort to hear, but i guess fate haven arrive... so i must wait in order for the person to show up... maybe good things always kept me waiting for it... but i dun wan to get disappointed again hopefully. I do admire sometimes why people can do it but i cant? I guess is i am lazy gua... People always say wah!! u very geng, but then i say everyone is equal, maybe you are weak in this thing but u are better in the other one gua.... I do believe that not giving up is a good way to keep me from failure, but sometimes i do choose to give up because it is not just about my success but it effects on others so i dun dare to make decisions without thinking every step carefully... After all this while, i learn alot, i see what i never see before, i fight what i dun dare to last time... But i am getting weaker and weaker, last time i dun usually fall sick but now i face alot problems, i guess it is a test to determine how much pain i can accept but i really scared i will fall... But i will try my 110% best to not make myself fall!!!

9.4.2010 : Hard to understand

You just dun understand what i words really mean, or you just dun care about it? Now i know that what everyone says doesn't affect me anymore... but why people think i am always lieing? Since all this while you knew me, did i ever say anything about what you said to me? Great one now you dun believe me anymore... Dun always say how bad people treat you, did you ever think how u treat people? Nowdays, i dun feel strong anymore, there is no use to win always, so i always do my best and thats all. Well i am glad to have my friends beside me although i dun have the person i wan the most... Well everyone said that ' Love In Disguise ' is nice, so i went to watch it... Well it is a very nice show, but i do like the song... Well, i am tired le.... thats all...

18.8.2010 : Thinking

Today i stopped everything, i stop and look all over my class.... I see people doing things differently, is like all are divided into group.... Then i look out of the window, there was a good and a bad view there, but the bad view will nvr be cover by my blind spot.... it teaches me that i must always know how to go through no matter a bad or a good situation... Today i really think and regret alot.... I just regret my words.... I always wonder why people can treat me like this, i know i am a little bit annoying too... Then actually i think again, actually i cant blame them... because i am not that good anyway... Maybe is the fact that i must really learn how to accept people's personality, their view or maybe many more... So now onwards, i wont take an action so fast without thinking through a layered of tissues in my brain. Well i really fear that everything i have now will change.... I really dun dare to imagine when what i have now will change to nothing... Comparing myself with other people sometimes do hurt, people are all born equal in their abilities, only everyones abilities are different... So we cant always think that we are always on the top of the world, if once we fall, we will never learn to accept it.... Actually i think that memories are very important to me, it relates me to what i have been through this 14 years i am on earth... Sometimes i do admire someones success till i hate to see it... But i must be back myself who is always a winner that will never lose to myself... GAMBATEH!!

14:8:2010 : Sunset

Wah today i finally saw a sunset that wakes me up everytime.... but this time de is still not the best one... i remember the best one is in the beach that colours the sea in orange... Well, whats next??! this time de makes me think of many things and recorrect my mistake... Well i guess i must let go of everything when the time needs me to do so... Yesterday my tears fall when i tried to go to sleep... is like everything unhappy suddenly turns up in my mind... Well when it is time to let go i must let go le, i must grow up.... No matter how much i liked it or how much i wanted, but i must let go.... I really give everything i have into it but it always cuts me deep.... haha now my heart is the boss inside me... It decides whatever comes toward me... I looked back and i found out i have many things to sorry for...

13:8:2010 : Lesson

I really learn many lessons in this 14 year d.... Sometimes i sit down and i think and i remember what i usually say and what i usually do.... Its quite good to be a kid when you dun need to care anything... Well i must now learn that everyone is different and i must learn to accept what people do or how the way they act.... I cant emo because of a people's action that effect me.... Well usually teachers say we must mix in another community and not stay at the one... But for me, i rather stay because that is the only place that my words makes sense and someone will know that i am there talking. Well, no matter how much we hate or how much we dislike to do things we dun like, but we must always do our best or even fight through the times we hate the most.... Well, i am trying to do this without caring how much i hate... Is time for me to grow up and leave everything bad behind... But this word ' emo ' is really making me crazy.... Actually sometimes i really emo because i am always affected to everything i am going through with. Not that everyday i wan to emo but there is really a reason to make me do so.... Well i am glad of what i have now....

10.8.2010 : I hate it

Sometimes i do hate my friends.... I do get alot of advices, but sometimes i just hate to hear it... Maybe is my bad temper makes me hate to listen to other peoples words... Well i get used to be hated and disliked, but i dun seem to care huh?! Yes i dun care anything anymore... Well i am the next thing to be scolded everyday huh?! Just that i hate it.... When i am useful, you all treat me like a king... but when i am not, even a cat is better dont you think so? I just hate to explain sometimes... thank you for ur concern but i dun need it anymore.... Since i am what you think, then better you just dunno me. I just freaking hate to hear your stupid words

8.8.2010 : Roller-coaster week

This week is really a week i will never forget.... This week is also known as error week... i did everything the wrong way... But actually it is not bad that i can have time to correct it... But i hate the most thing is i get disgrace.... I got scolded, fought, and people using a bad eye sight looking at me... I dun wan to be disgrace because it really cuts me deep... I still cant forget what happen on friday... But i dun blame them because it is my fault... Usually when i get scolded by my friend i will fight back but this time i didn't because i really did something very stupid and wrong... Nowdays, I feel like just sitting there quietly is the best.... I tasted sour, sweet, sad, happy, tears, stress and many more.... But it is okay because i am ready for my roller-coaster ride.... When i get happy things, sure the sad things will be here... But i dun blame it, because life has up and down.... it is only the way that u fight through it that matters... I feel like i am keep on updating the same thing.... But i just dun mind it because challenges never stop repeating.... ADD OIL!!!

7.8.2010 : Nice date.... but bad time

Today was this week 1st time i never emo.... Haha not bad xD!! Today i started thinking back what people said to me.... I remember my friend always told me that ' how can you be so mature on the internet and turned up childish in the real life ' i answered : because i dun wan to be too mature and forgetting myself... Now only i remember to ignore everyone's words and do what i feel like it... I just think the proses to get to who i am today.... I learn everything from peoples beside me.... I started observing a long time ago... I dun wan to be too lapan d..... I guess I will just open one eye and close the other one.... Today's weather was nice and cooling.... I was surprised when i came down from tuition.... It is nice to feel that cooling feel.... It reminds me of what i have been through all this years.... It like everything i felt for all this while no matter it is pain, sad, bitter, sour and many more to list.... Then i remember all my mistake and everything i did right.... But i really like what i have now... I am glad to be who i am and staying in the same position now... But i know if i stay here i wont grow up.... so no matter what comes ahead of me i will keep on going and fighting through the problems and to correct my mistake... I wonder where is everyone.... It looks like the city is reducing its population.... Haha I wish to get everything right again....

6.8.2010 : Unlucky day

Today was a really bad day! I really hate the starting of the day..... went to prefect room because i smiled..... But after school it was ok because i still got my favourite clu time..... But then i accidentally became too playful and broke theen meng de sijil..... sad.... Then now me and my friend... we look like seperating a part. But sometimes i do admit i really hate him... But i knew his this attitude long time adi so i dun feel anything different.... It has been weeks that i emo everyday because everything i do doesn't feel the same and right anymore.... It feels like i started to forget who i am... I just dunno what to do that makes everything right and everyone happy.... What i am, what i do, what i said will always make me sad.... But there is one happy part where now i find out that there are more people that really cares about me.... i am really glad to have them in my life.... But sometimes everything in life is always half half.... when got happy sure got sad de... Exam is near le but i got no mood to study.... it is a bad sign...

1.8.2010 : No mood le

I guess everytime i updated sure is when i emo de... At 1st i started wondering whether i really like it or just finding someone for a pass-time.... But now i know what i wanted d.... Everthing in life is so unpredictable, it is such a mystery and full or deadly challenges. I guess exam is near le.... I wont be updating till next 2 weeks!! But i really miss you

24.7.2010 : Only you

You!!! ya is u no one else.... I got a billion questions to ask but i just really cant even open my mouth whenever i see you. I just wanted to hear u but it turns up that i am annoying... you asked me what i wanted, but i just can say i dun wan anything because i dun need anything from you and i dun care what you can offer but i just wan to see you there strongly.... Sometimes you treat me so nice but today suddenly u changed, you turn into someone that looks like dunno me... but what can i saw or do? i really dunno what are you thinking zzz

23.7.2010 : Bad.....

Nobody will understand everything i do.... i just really hope someone will understand. U know i..... aiya nevermind le..... I guess my favourite mistake will be back again.... i really hope tat i can repeat it but hopefully it is not a wrong move although i call it a mistake. Today i took my report card... but now i feel more better when i see my results is average.... haha hope to update next time!

16.7.210 : Nothing special but meaningfull

About 2 months i never updated my blog..... maybe i am too busy or just lazy. CLU ajk now is almost changing le... this year lower 6 not bad and very friendly, at 1st i dun quite accept them as any good peopls. But you never try you will never know. Well it is true for me that my emotions are beyond my control.... even i dunno sometimes i emo for what ? !!! I always feel a part of me is missing and i dunno where to get it back.... Any idea?... next week report card day le... wish me good luck never get bad comments from teacher haha!!

21.6.2010 : Sadness all the time

Haiz.... why i am always the bad guy... i am always wrong..... 1 million sorry really cannot recover our mistake. Everytime i wanted to help but then i will sure kena scold.... i think is it my mistake or izit urs....i am a human!! i worth some respect dude..... I always regret that the day my grandma passed away i wasnt there for the moment.... i still rmb the day she was still in hospital.... her funeral is like yesterday, i rmb it so clearly wat happened.... i really wished to say sorry to her, but i really dun have the chance. This is the first time i see the process of dieing, so the memory wont be washed away from my brain. I knw i am a super bad guy, so i got more enemy than friends.... either is it abt the colour problem or other things... i am a very idiot person so nobody will like what i say....

21.5.2010 : Forgive and Forget

Sometimes is better to forgive and forget than rather chasing for other peoples responsibility...... today I saw the girl I admire with the other boy that have a scandal with her..... I guess they are together liao so I wont mind to let go but i just hope that she admit it than leave me hanging in the middle..... you just dunno how much it hurts when i see u do that...... it is like i just wanna know what u actually mean..... do you love him ? i dun mind to let go but please..... i dont love you like i loved you yesterday.... u always called me to let go but i just insist..... I see you smile every time makes me feel like seeing a sun rise...... the comfort feel is there, i really wan to see it everyday..... but i cant because now i choose to give up le although i know i cant get to decide.... every time i see you i am speechless..... you always asked me to smile, but i just cant do it.... not that i dun wan to but the thing that will make me smile is you talking to me and smile like you use to be..... i hope you can always remember what i said although you are always so forgetful..... i am so tired of this le, i tried not to thing but the thing that we always wanna forget is always remaining in our mind.... bye bye love.... now i guess i am not yet mature to fall in love anymore.... so hope that i will never fall into this hole anymore !

8.5.2010 : Life's meaning

Well now i feel like when the song is without its lyrics it's meaningless..... Well i heard a song name ' boxer ' well its a story about a poor boy who need's to work in a city, even being a boxer.... Although it cuts so deep and the pain he felt but he didn't give up but the fighter still remains..... Well sometimes i really like to hear old songs because of their lyrics brings me alot of things to learn in life. We must always look before we leap because the water runs deep and there will not always be someone there to pull you out. Well i am always young enough to look at the future and old enough to look back at the mistakes that i made and always try to improve. Well whenever i feel stress, pain or bad i would always say i am leaving, i am leaving but the problems still remains..... Later will be my sports day 100m even, by now i am still worry.... i know the most i can get is 3rd place but i just hope to get it because i wan it so hard..... i know everything wont come so easy so i must really work very very hard to get my gold. But sometimes i really dun wan to lose because i know that there's no way people can do it but i cant. Everyone is equal so i believe i can climb to the top place also if i work as hard as people do.... I cannot be too proud of people's achievement but must put it as a example for me so that i will always do more harder to ever achieve what i wanted..... But sometimes i really duno where should i go 1st or wait? I can learn how to forget and look ahead but i just cant stop the memory's from popping out to my mind..... I always look at the sunset because the sunset is not usually so easy to be saw because its one beauty of nature.... i appreciate every moment i get to see it haha..... Although people have different status but they do earn ever respect that you gave people..... so dun take it a easy matter than you can disgrace people as you like.... Your nothing different, they have parents too..... Sometimes i do think that i am the worse one.... But i wanted to always fight the way through until the day i succeed so that i will always grow to become someone who knows what is wrong and whats right to do..... Sometimes the way i talk maybe will hurt other people's feeling so i am always looking for a way to improve myself to understand how hard it is to earn for a leaving..... I am just hoping for the best that i can do.

6.5.2010 : Everyday's challenges

Well nowdays the time is like moving more faster then it usually is..... Does that mean the end of the world is now nearer ? Well sports day is near and all preparation has been done but i am just worried of my final in 100m and 4X100.... Last year at least a medal but dunno this year will i be so lucky to get one..... Once again forced to go for marching every year the same.... + so hot under the sun at abt 9-12.... Last year the sports day is at 8 am but now at 2pm means extra hot, dunno where the teachers found out the idea of having sports day in the afternoon which will bring alot of harm to the students..... Thats why now i must find a way to skip the marching but the form 5's always dun allow..... Now it looks like everything and everyone is falling apart, i just wished i had the power to pull them back together so our hearts will be one and united. Well i am always looking for a person who can share my feelings.... Sometimes i feel annoyed to answer a person who always talk like there's a knife in his words that always make me feel angry and wanted to fight....Why will people change so fast, sometimes they are good but sometimes there are worse than a pet.....

4.5.2010 : All about life

Just dunno why now i know that life is really life a candle.... a blow then bye bye already. This year alot of unlucky stuff happened. Then alot of chaos in the family and just feel like i am always been hated by people or is it just my own feelings??? I always needed time on my own but i guess i just need someone by my side....I just dunno how to communicate with people, like everything i said people wont like to hear. Why every fight will involve me, I just feel very innocent suddenly got scolded for nothing....Why people will change so suddenly or is it i am the one who changed? Can i own some chances to every talk??? Why people will never let me do so? So tired le always there will be some sad memories pomp into my mind but this is not what i choose..... People say i always emo but if there think the things that i tough of then they will be the same too don't they? I always wanted to study but just don't always get the mood to do so....