26.9.2010 : Time

Well, time is really going fast, by just this few days i faced many things happen... then i made a promise, to not emo infront of CLU-ians, so i try to make myself as crazy as can be to make them smile. I really like to see people smile than i smiling myself, although how much it hurts inside me but i wont show it through my emotion... I wanna show that i am okay although i am not cause i dun wan people to worry, but i guess no matter what no one will care anyway... Nowdays i scared to msg people le, i scared no one will reply, maybe it is just me think the other side... Now i lost someone because of my stupid emo le, how wasted was that! i really cant forgive myself because of that. Well, i guess this would be my diary anyway... Nowdays, i felt relieve to know some new friends... But i just have to hope god bless them with happiness then i will feel relieve. Well, i guess exam is near but i still dun have the mood to study!!!!! i wan to be as crazy as i can! although something make me unhappy but i will still be crazy, until i find it is the right time to be unhapppy about it. Now people say i am over crazy le, and then say i am annoying but i still smile and say hahaha!!! I hate to see people emo just like the way people hate i emo. Haha now they blaming me that i emo everyone started following, i said wat!!!! hahaha!!!!! i guess is time for a change. Maybe i will become someone that knows how to keep its emotion!!!

22.9.2010 : Sad very sad....

Today is mid autumn festival le, but i am still at home not going out to play lantern and eat mooncakes... last year was the best, how that i wish time can return to the past... Even just now i was talking about it with my cousin sister, i almost cried when i talk about grandma.... It have been months she have leave us in a blink of an eye. Well today i called a guy to come in but then he scold me back, what i noob, still asking me who am i? U think i care who the f are you ah... i rather u die in the middle of the road u noob... I promise you i wont care about ur noob feelings anymore, dun think about it, complaint all you wan but it wont affect me.
I really regret that i never appreciate what have gone through my life, i just treat it like the wind, but now its getting hotter and hotter without it, how much i really hope that it would come back. Sometimes i wish to help people when they are not happy and do my best to make them, but in the end i guess i am the one who cannot help instead making it more worse... I just want to be someone more important than now, I dun have the persons i need. I keep on asking myself should i be quiet even i know the answer, i guess i shut up is the best thing to everyone isn't it? No one will want to hear me anyways... Nowdays, i am again going to be a character not a person anymore. A person asked me why you love her so much? then i said i dunno, well i guess loving a person doesn't need a reason right? i really dunno what to do tomorrow a day feel with sadness although it is a new day again but i guess this week i am really off my mood.
AMANDA LAI : nah ur post, eh enjoy what you have now... i really have ntg to say about you sorry

18.9.2010 : The moment of truth

Today was a fun day but i am sad because i lost a person that i need the most.... i just sit and wonder, then i cant tahan i tak a paper with a inkless pen and right like i am stupid.... everyone pass by said WAH NOOB!!! but for me it cuts me like a blade if i dun write it out, not that i am not telling anyone but i just dunno who should i tell... everytime i see someone i really wan to cry, why time just wont turn back and can things last forever? i tot i knew the answer but now i can say i am really out my ideas. I feel like now i am invisible to everyone, the see me like they saw a ghost, everyone running away from me... So nowdays i will be staying here on my own. Today i am happy to see back my friends but i just want someone to open mouth more... Its been days i never wished you goodnight d... Everytime i see people in pain but i am just always helpless, i am really a rubbish. I just want to be there when you need me but now, u just dun see me anymore although i stand infront of you, today i went into the room where we kept our bags, i see your bottle there, then suddenly i talk to your bottle asking the questions that i wanted to know the answer. It may sound a little bit stupid but it just hurts so much. After this 2 weeks i am really tired but i still miss the times when we are busy, although we are busy but that time of fun cant be found anywhere else.... after 2 weeks of worring and busy now it has come to a end d, if like that i rather i will be always busy. Sometimes people dun reply me, i feel angry but now, i feel worry le. Everytime i talk, no one will listen but i keep on telling myself i just a kid that no one will see, but i cant blame them, where would people listen to a kid... haiz my leg hurts alot....

6:9:2010 : Nothing but i am sad

Well, i fail in planing... i wanted to watch movie but suddenly everything must cancel.... i hate it. I really feel sad about it... well i try to share it with people but all i get is take care.... wont i just get a better answer.... All i wished for this holiday has gone and i am hopeless to watch those movies... Actually watch or not that doesnt matter but just i wan to go out of home to find some other activities... But i guess i will just stay where i am for now before i expect to go out, the more i expect the more chances i will be disappointed again... All the while i have never think of the bad sight but now it turns into reality... Man i hate it really... This holiday is just school + home i guess= emo. Sometimes i dream to be a hero, but now i dun wan anything anymore, i am just tired and scared to move another step into a hot volcano... What does it mean by not ready? i really wanted to ask but i guess i will just keep my mouth shut.... Sometimes i dun make a sound is not that i am emo or sad but i am just scared once i talk u all will keep quiet. I scared what i say will make people feel annoying so i dun dare to make a single sound. People ask me why are you always emo, but i just dun dare to answer... I will say usually i dunno or make a stupid logical answer. But i guess no one will understand why i emo anyway because i dun wan to tell.... I just hope to have someone that i can share everything and receive the words i feel comfort to hear, but i guess fate haven arrive... so i must wait in order for the person to show up... maybe good things always kept me waiting for it... but i dun wan to get disappointed again hopefully. I do admire sometimes why people can do it but i cant? I guess is i am lazy gua... People always say wah!! u very geng, but then i say everyone is equal, maybe you are weak in this thing but u are better in the other one gua.... I do believe that not giving up is a good way to keep me from failure, but sometimes i do choose to give up because it is not just about my success but it effects on others so i dun dare to make decisions without thinking every step carefully... After all this while, i learn alot, i see what i never see before, i fight what i dun dare to last time... But i am getting weaker and weaker, last time i dun usually fall sick but now i face alot problems, i guess it is a test to determine how much pain i can accept but i really scared i will fall... But i will try my 110% best to not make myself fall!!!

9.4.2010 : Hard to understand

You just dun understand what i words really mean, or you just dun care about it? Now i know that what everyone says doesn't affect me anymore... but why people think i am always lieing? Since all this while you knew me, did i ever say anything about what you said to me? Great one now you dun believe me anymore... Dun always say how bad people treat you, did you ever think how u treat people? Nowdays, i dun feel strong anymore, there is no use to win always, so i always do my best and thats all. Well i am glad to have my friends beside me although i dun have the person i wan the most... Well everyone said that ' Love In Disguise ' is nice, so i went to watch it... Well it is a very nice show, but i do like the song... Well, i am tired le.... thats all...