15.10.2010 : This i really sad le

Shit la, everything that i wanted to do but i just wont get a chance. Today someone is sad again, but i just cant help the person, how useless i am, i just duno why this would happen la!!! what happen oi!!!!!!! VERY DIAO ONE LA, i saw her cry again that day but i just wan to call her to not cry but another guy did it, WTF TERRY LAI U STAND THERE KAO LAN AH. Man i hate myself very much. Today i was really very very sad, but i sad until i remember my promise so i didn't show in clu my sad face. I really want to share with someone my story but no one will give the right answer i want, so i forced myself to keep everything inside me and i did it. Everyone asked me why but i just wont answer. Today is also one day i feel very unpleasant, what i do doesn't seem right

10.10.10 : Today is this date le

Day by day has passed, now, i started knowing that i am really annoying... no one likes to talk to me, i guess that is my problem, what to do? I guess just shut up and dont talk only lo to make ppl dun get annoyed... Yesterday meeting with seniors, after may i was always hagging out with my new batch. Usually my seniors and me are playful, but those feeling fade again. Now all ignore me, even started looking at me in a bad eye sight. I guess i am just not right to be so playful anymore and also noisy. Someone complaint before of me emo, now i changed to very happy and exciting le, then someone said that i am annoying and say when i am emo better, they just dun understand how pain i feel in my heart. I know what the pain feels like, but no matter what i keep on keeping everything inside my heart, i really got no one to share with anymore. Now my mind and my heart is empty le but the pain still remains and tear my scars wide open. I keep on asking myself what to do? what to do? but the answer i get is still nothing. Today is a brand new 10.10.10 le, but tmr is still a boring day, i really feel very sad and filled with words i really wanted to expose out but still i cant do it. Now when i click on the chat button and see my important ones, i click and asking how are you today? but at last is only my words and seldom they reply, i guess i am really that annoying. Now i will just keep on keeping quiet le, my seniors really make me sad when they palau me, now it is only them is the whole of my friends they starting to ignore me. I can see that everyone is like very good with each other but without my here is better for them. Everything i go home without both of my friends, they two look like more topics to say, where as when i am with any of them we wont talk, i could see the differents between us. I really wished to be important to eveyone knowing what happen what made them sad, but sad to say that i cant do that cause i am useless gua. Now everyday when i walk alone i will keep on thinking what to do or what to say later or even think how useless i am. It really feels bad when u dun have someone by your sad listening to all your stories like report. I really wished to tell someone what i feel now, but i guess no one could replace her. Too bad that now she had left me for good. Just because of my emo i really lost her for now, really wished to bring back the times that really got me flying up high. I guess i will keep on showing my smile for now on no matter how much the pain hurts me, she keep on comparing me with someone who always wins me in anything. She just dun understand the pain i always cried about, i know i can never beat the person in everything i do admit. SAD