Time

Wah really fast that the holiday is going to end, just feels like i'm off for 1 week only... Time is fast when nothing comes around.... Few days ago farewell has just passed, well nothing much but it all went well except for the rain... Next year is not a easy year anymore, PMR, just feels the same as UPSR but this time i face more stress and more subjects... Well i guess my whole effort and time will be on the book. Hours more i will ge going on our CLU annual trip, excited but yet i am still sad because the departure of my seniors or can be said as my true friends, just dunno what will happen without them to play around with... I can still recall the 1st day we were together. Well, now for me i don't have a intrest to love anymore because i know that my PMR is just around the corner... Well hope that tmr is the best day ever!! are hope it might not be the last

Changes Again

I guess i have to change again... This days just don´t feel right, holiday is when the time you do everything aimlessly... i just feel like everyday i am just doing nothing... Everday i stand and think what i have done this days and the pass, every mistake i made is truely kept deep inside my heart... I heard a sentence once said (Life is just a shirt with buttons, once the 1st button is buttoned wrongly then the rest will wrong also)... Well i certainly feel that what the person said is true.. So i dun hope to have the 1st button wrong. Nowdays, i am gettting more hot temper than i usually have been... I just dunno why i am just very hard to mix around with people, I just usually do something that irritates them, fine fine thats the real me, then suan la... Now i have no one left to listen... Now, no one can make me listen anymore... I am just stuck! really i just cant find out the problem i am facing... Things are really complicated, as you know that you understand but actually you still got a thousand more till you can say u understand completely... I just wish to run away to a place where no one finds me, but i just cant leave... I know that i cant do it anymore, although i know its impossible, its a lie, its just a dream but i still believe in it... I just want to make myself feel better rather than regrets and bad memories all the time... Although its gone but i believe its just around the corner... Well it does bring me some good points, it gives me a boost, just that everytime that i do something i know what i am fighting for or putting an effort into something... Just wish everytime i can do it... But things aren´t easy as that i guess. Something that is easy to obtain itsn´t good... Nowdays, every night, the clock haven´t reach 1 I also dun feel like sleeping... Everyday i go jogging just to relax and throw out the things inside me... No matter what i do i just cant master it... But i don´t really give a dam how people look at me, that statement is FAKE! i do care!!! Cause they are my friends, other than that i wont care but my friends i will... But still, its not enough

I am just.... HAIZ!

Things are getting worse again! tomorrow is the last day of school, i really miss my clu very much and also my school mates, i just feel like without them my life is not bright anymore, haiz.... usually i feel like holiday is a great time but now i dun feel so bored and sad when holidays come... I just wonder why until now i still cant let go... Things are really getting worse... The ones who are good to me had mad off because of my words... What can i do? Ok fine next time i will just shut up... I thought i can stand up again but until now i just cant do it... How i wish the one i really need is here but that is what i call impossible.... Today i went back to the road we spend some time on but the when i see it, it just cuts me deep deep and very deep... Why i always create disasters... I am just really not suitable in here or what i call this enviroment... Or maybe the me who don't talk is better than the me who enjoy playing and teasing around... My eyes are closing le but i just cant fall asleep again... Just dunno how should i face the fact... Words are easier said than do, so why waste effort on saying it... But sometimes is just hard to keep it inside me just like every mirror reflecting the pain... Now i really have no one left to share with, i guess the stars will listen to me or even the moon.... Just WTF is this la....

08.11.2010 : Life

Well, today was not a day i wanted again,i always take the wrong step, everytime i fight i would ask myself again,if i just shut up this wont happen.I guess thats the way i am, my dad usually scold me that i should have learn how to lose, but seems like after years of that i still hasn't change.Today someone chat with me about an issue that i am also facing, but whenever i talk about other people's issue it reflects me just the way it is.... I am just always not good enough, everytime i am just a stupid person who sits there and do nothing, at home or at school... everytime i see my mum washing dishes i would ask myself what if i do it, but then i just cant afford to move because i just dunno what to do... god damn it.... I hate to see it but when i dun see it, makes me feel even worse, what to choose?? Last saturday celebrated wai kian's bday, although i didn't wrote all the words that i wanted to say, but i guess its not the write time haha! no such thing la, just that not enough space to write for him! Er my maths once again make me disappointed, nvm i can try again... Every night when i sleep, my eyes are super tired, but its hard for me to sleep, maybe too many things to fan? but then i think think i dun see anything i can fan with but then theres something that i cant accept. Day and day i am getting more tired le, head also pain... Someone told me, that i never give up on something, then i answered back did i? cause i really have no ideas about it. Its getting worse le

4.11.2010 : Well

Once again i slept late again le, but just dun feel like sleeping no matter how tired i am these days thinking of some things that i regret... Now i am talking to the moon every night... I get really jealous about some people who had it in a successful way but i didn't... Well, i guess is just not the right move... Everyday i suffer from this question, should i or should i not... Everytime i have a question without an answer le... I feel like everything changed into bad, just wonder am i the cause of everything... Hate it, i really wanted to find out the answer but then i just feel like i rather keep it to myself gua... I just wonder why i sms people they just wont reply, i asked them many times le but now i started to get lazy about it... I guess i am just annoying or irritating gua, or people maybe busy le... Me and the others gap are getting bigger and bigger, but i just dunno what to do, maybe things are just that way. Now days, i get lazy to get out from home, not that i have no where to go, is that i am really scare that it would turn out bad... I guess is time i get a good rest... Haiz sleep so late yet i still wake at 9... My blesses are now useless le, i cant do anything anymore, but just let it be.... Everyday i keep on like this, but i am really tired to go on le, but i told myself i will continue no matter the question should or should not appears again... I just guess Let It Be is the best

2:11.2010 : Long time

Haha people say that we must always believe in fate, now i understand d... I guess i just cant get along with others anyway... Haiz le, i just hate what i did last time, but just dun always step on me, i need some air... So now on, i dun give a dam anymore le, i do it my way say all you like you cant stop me... This few days my feeling is always so weird... I just cant explain why is it always like this zzz. Today suddenly our gap become closer again, but when one side is close the other side is open. I am just too tired to be like this le, everything i do, i dun think it is right... So, i wont do anything le... Every decision i make always disappoints me... Today went swimming again, so tired le... but fun... Whole day at school play cards... I guess i am always in the middle, i just wont be in the position that i wished to be... Many times i told myself that doesn't matter but it just doesn't seem like it suits in my brain... I guess i do it my way is the best thing that i am able le...

15.10.2010 : This i really sad le

Shit la, everything that i wanted to do but i just wont get a chance. Today someone is sad again, but i just cant help the person, how useless i am, i just duno why this would happen la!!! what happen oi!!!!!!! VERY DIAO ONE LA, i saw her cry again that day but i just wan to call her to not cry but another guy did it, WTF TERRY LAI U STAND THERE KAO LAN AH. Man i hate myself very much. Today i was really very very sad, but i sad until i remember my promise so i didn't show in clu my sad face. I really want to share with someone my story but no one will give the right answer i want, so i forced myself to keep everything inside me and i did it. Everyone asked me why but i just wont answer. Today is also one day i feel very unpleasant, what i do doesn't seem right